by Shannon L. Lee, founder of the Self-Awareness Institute
The Surprising Power Of Self-Awareness
What You Don't Know Is Probably Hurting You!
Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly and to understand who we truly are. It is the very foundation of being human, what makes each of us a unique individual – and, ultimately, the key to creating a happy, fulfilled life. This is what being self-aware looks like:
- you are consistently honest with yourself about who you are and how you fit into the world around you
- you understand what your emotions mean and how they are impacting you
- you have identified your strengths and weaknesses
- you are confident in your ideas, beliefs, and values
- you know what motivates you and why
Obviously, the less self-awareness you have, the more difficult it is to successfully navigate life’s obstacles and challenges. Without a solid infrastructure of self-awareness, you'll be more vulnerable to outside influences, such as the events and people around you. As a result, you may feel disempowered and be less able to take effective and productive action – even on the things you care about the most.
Self-awareness is the key to being your best self and living life on your terms. Unfortunately, many people are unaware of what they might be missing; in other words, they don’t know what they don’t know! Here are the three most common – and harmful – blind spots around self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the key to being your best self and living life on your terms. Unfortunately, many people are unaware of what they might be missing; in other words, they don’t know what they don’t know! Here are the three most common – and harmful – blind spots around self-awareness.
1. Isn’t self-awareness just a touchy-feely buzzword?
Nope! On the contrary, self-awareness is an essential component of your psychological makeup, your personality, and your identity. Let’s look at it this way: are any of the following important to you? (hint: your level of self-awareness impacts them all!)
Nope! On the contrary, self-awareness is an essential component of your psychological makeup, your personality, and your identity. Let’s look at it this way: are any of the following important to you? (hint: your level of self-awareness impacts them all!)
Environment
Relationships
Benefits of Greater Self-Awareness
Stronger emotional connections and deeper intimacy; healthier, more stable relationships (both platonic and romantic).
Relationships
Stronger emotional connections and deeper intimacy; healthier, more stable relationships (both platonic and romantic).
Career Success and Satisfaction
Higher levels of confidence; frequent self-evaluation and ongoing self-improvement lead to additional professional opportunities.
Career Success and Satisfaction
Higher levels of confidence; frequent self-evaluation and ongoing self-improvement lead to additional professional opportunities.
Communication
Clearer conversations prevent misunderstandings; increased ability to set strong, healthy boundaries; greater empathy leads to deeper rapport.
Communication
Clearer conversations prevent misunderstandings; increased ability to set strong, healthy boundaries; greater empathy leads to deeper rapport.
Physical Well-Being
Reduced stress and anxiety; less likely to rely on addictive behaviors that are damaging to health and well-being; ability to prioritize self-care.
Physical Well-Being
Reduced stress and anxiety; less likely to rely on addictive behaviors that are damaging to health and well-being; ability to prioritize self-care.
Mental Health
Overall satisfaction with your life; peace of mind; increased self-compassion; clarity of focus; knowing what brings you joy.
Mental Health
Overall satisfaction with your life; peace of mind; increased self-compassion; clarity of focus; knowing what brings you joy.
Finances
Ability to distinguish true needs versus momentary wants, which allows you to create (and stick to) budgets and investment plans.
Finances
Ability to distinguish true needs versus momentary wants, which allows you to create (and stick to) budgets and investment plans.
2. Self-awareness doesn’t make THAT big a difference in everyday life.
Yes, it does! The value of self-awareness is easy to see, especially when you take into consideration the aforementioned benefits. Furthermore, studies have shown that self-awareness is the greatest single indicator of future success and happiness, as it is the origin of all positive human achievement and interaction.
Imagine that you’re going about your daily life and you encounter the following three scenarios. Notice how your level of self-awareness will have either a positive or negative impact upon your mood, your interactions, and your overall experience of your day.
6:30 am – You wake up feeling grumpy and out of sorts.
With self-awareness:
Upon reflection, you realize that you’re nervous about an important sales call later that morning. You take a few minutes to do a mental rehearsal, running through the conversation in your head and imagining a successful outcome. When you actually make the call, you feel confident and relaxed, and you’re pleased to discover that you anticipated a key objection – and because of your mental rehearsal, you are completely prepared to smoothly address it and successfully close the sale.
Without self-awareness:
You stumble out of bed, dreading the important sales call later that day, and wishing you could postpone it. Your morning gets progressively worse as everything seems to go wrong: you spill coffee on yourself right before you need to leave, which makes you late, and you miss the first part of a meeting, which makes your boss glare at you, which makes you feel even more pressure to close that sale to prove your worth… However, your nerves and anxiety get the better of you, and cause you to push your prospective client too hard – you lose the sale.
Upon reflection, you realize that you’re nervous about an important sales call later that morning. You take a few minutes to do a mental rehearsal, running through the conversation in your head and imagining a successful outcome. When you actually make the call, you feel confident and relaxed, and you’re pleased to discover that you anticipated a key objection – and because of your mental rehearsal, you are completely prepared to smoothly address it and successfully close the sale.
Without self-awareness:
You stumble out of bed, dreading the important sales call later that day, and wishing you could postpone it. Your morning gets progressively worse as everything seems to go wrong: you spill coffee on yourself right before you need to leave, which makes you late, and you miss the first part of a meeting, which makes your boss glare at you, which makes you feel even more pressure to close that sale to prove your worth… However, your nerves and anxiety get the better of you, and cause you to push your prospective client too hard – you lose the sale.
7:45 am – On your drive to work, someone cuts you off in traffic.
With self-awareness:
You let your foot off the gas for a moment to give them more room and think to yourself, “Wow, they must be running late! I hope they get there safely.” Two minutes later, you’ve forgotten all about it and are humming to your favorite song on the radio, enjoying the beautiful weather.
Without self-awareness:
You are totally triggered into road rage. You shake your fist and flip them off, screaming about #$@!% inconsiderate drivers. You spend the rest of your drive stewing about that idiot and pissed off at life in general. That dark cloud of anger and malcontent lingers all day, and you are short-tempered, snapping at your colleagues and inflicting your bad mood upon the whole office.
You let your foot off the gas for a moment to give them more room and think to yourself, “Wow, they must be running late! I hope they get there safely.” Two minutes later, you’ve forgotten all about it and are humming to your favorite song on the radio, enjoying the beautiful weather.
Without self-awareness:
You are totally triggered into road rage. You shake your fist and flip them off, screaming about #$@!% inconsiderate drivers. You spend the rest of your drive stewing about that idiot and pissed off at life in general. That dark cloud of anger and malcontent lingers all day, and you are short-tempered, snapping at your colleagues and inflicting your bad mood upon the whole office.
6:30 pm – You’re meeting for your significant other for a special dinner out, and they show up 20 minutes late. This is the third time this has happened.
With self-awareness:
Although you’re feeling a bit upset, you greet them warmly and ask if everything is okay. They respond that they got caught up in a last-minute request from their boss. You say, “That makes sense. I was feeling frustrated because I was worried about you and didn’t know what was happening. You know, this seems to happen from time to time, where you’re running late when we’re getting together. I’d really appreciate it of you would call or text me if you’re going to be late. That way, I can adjust my arrival time and maybe get bit more work done myself – or at least not be worried about you.” They agree (and possibly apologize), and you have a pleasant evening out.
Without self-awareness:
You immediately express your displeasure with them. You say, “You’re always late! You obviously don’t respect me or my time. If you really loved me, you be here when you said you would!” This upsets them, and they become defensive and argue back, deflecting the conversation away from their tardiness by bringing up one (or more) of your flaws and how it upsets them. You both begin to focus on all the past disagreements and hurts between you, mutual upset and resentment builds, and your relationship is further damaged. The evening is ruined, and your crappy day is now completely in the toilet. You have trouble sleeping and wake up feeling grumpy and out of sorts… And so the cycle continues.
Although you’re feeling a bit upset, you greet them warmly and ask if everything is okay. They respond that they got caught up in a last-minute request from their boss. You say, “That makes sense. I was feeling frustrated because I was worried about you and didn’t know what was happening. You know, this seems to happen from time to time, where you’re running late when we’re getting together. I’d really appreciate it of you would call or text me if you’re going to be late. That way, I can adjust my arrival time and maybe get bit more work done myself – or at least not be worried about you.” They agree (and possibly apologize), and you have a pleasant evening out.
Without self-awareness:
You immediately express your displeasure with them. You say, “You’re always late! You obviously don’t respect me or my time. If you really loved me, you be here when you said you would!” This upsets them, and they become defensive and argue back, deflecting the conversation away from their tardiness by bringing up one (or more) of your flaws and how it upsets them. You both begin to focus on all the past disagreements and hurts between you, mutual upset and resentment builds, and your relationship is further damaged. The evening is ruined, and your crappy day is now completely in the toilet. You have trouble sleeping and wake up feeling grumpy and out of sorts… And so the cycle continues.
3. Isn’t becoming more self-aware too difficult to figure out?
Not at all! Self-awareness simply begins with noticing – noticing how we feel, what we think, what habits or behavior patterns we use, what actions we take (or avoid), and what we need in order to feel safe, happy, and loved. These insights lead us to the next step in our personal evolution, which is recognizing whether our current thoughts, feelings, and actions are bringing us closer to our dreams and goals – or if they're preventing us from moving forward.
Here's a brief overview of how to become more self-aware, simply by building your “noticing” muscles.
How to notice your thoughts:
Not at all! Self-awareness simply begins with noticing – noticing how we feel, what we think, what habits or behavior patterns we use, what actions we take (or avoid), and what we need in order to feel safe, happy, and loved. These insights lead us to the next step in our personal evolution, which is recognizing whether our current thoughts, feelings, and actions are bringing us closer to our dreams and goals – or if they're preventing us from moving forward.
Here's a brief overview of how to become more self-aware, simply by building your “noticing” muscles.
How to notice your thoughts:
- Start by writing down the recurring thoughts that constantly cycle through your head (we all have them, and most of them are negative).
- Begin evaluating those thoughts by asking yourself, “Is this thought important information (like a task you need to do), something I was taught (and thus a potential limiting belief), an assumption, or a fantasy?” Label each with an I, B, A, or an F (or an O if something other than those).
- After a few days of this, review your notes and decide if there are any thoughts that you might wish/need to change.
How to notice your feelings:
- Give yourself permission to recognize, feel, and express your emotions in healthy ways.
- Check in with yourself throughout the day and ask, “What am I feeling right now?” Especially do this when you notice that strong emotions (negative or positive) are surfacing.
- Keep a notebook or journal handy to record what you’re feeling, what sparked those feelings, and what you might need in order to take care of yourself in that moment.
How to notice your behavior patterns:
- Pay attention to your actions throughout the day. You may even wish to write them down, perhaps keeping a running “This is what I did” list in your daily planner.
- At the end of the day, review your action list and ask yourself, “Was this a deliberate choice to act, or was I on automatic pilot?”
- Then evaluate each action and determine if it truly supported you or if it distracted you from moving towards your dreams and goals. Decide if it’s time to make some changes in your daily routine and/or build some healthier habits.
How to notice your needs:
- Your emotions act as signposts for your needs. Review your feelings journal, identify what came up the most frequently, then contemplate what you needed in that moment. For example:
- If you felt disappointed or sad, what were you missing? What can you do for yourself that would help you feel better? Do you need to let yourself cry to release some grief? Do you need to reach out to a friend for a hug or a listening ear?
- If you felt angry, did someone treat you unfairly? Were you unable to express your upset? Do a brain dump and vent your angry thoughts and feelings on paper, them crumple them up and throw them away.
- If you felt guilty, did you actually do something wrong or did someone criticize you because they didn’t like what you said or did? Reassure yourself that you’re okay and that mistakes happen, and make amends if needed.
- After a few weeks of this process, you might discover that you’re feeling happier and more satisfied with your life. Congratulations, you’re on the right track to having your needs met!
As you can see, there’s much more value to self-awareness than people typically assume – and the benefits of consciously making the time and effort to increase your self-awareness far outweigh the potential damage that lurks in ignoring what’s going on within you. If you’d like more information about self-awareness, or need any support on your personal growth journey, consider joining the 14-Day Self-Awareness Challenge or attending the Self-Awareness Weekend.
© 2021 Shannon Lee. All rights reserved.
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Self-Awareness Institute | 3760 Market St. NE, Suite 410, Salem, Oregon 97301 | Tel: (503) 437-9128 | Fax: (503) 437-9880 |
Self-Awareness Institute | 3760 Market St. NE, Suite 410, Salem, Oregon 97301 | Tel: (503) 437-9128 | Fax: (503) 437-9880 |